


The Last Ice, Ice Baby

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Minor Character Death, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The turtles attend Vanilla Ice's concert. His Last Concert. A box of tissues is recommended as reading accompaniment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Ice, Ice Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Violence, cussing, and one tragic end of a rap icon.
> 
> This was created when I RPed TMNT with some friends awhile ago. I came up with the idea and we just ran with it.  
> I RPed Michelangelo, then there was Raphael, Leo and April were the same person, and then Casey.  
> This is completed as is. It doesn't really end, but it was just a fun RP session that I thought was amusing enough to share.

The Last Ice, Ice Baby

If you asked Leonardo at that moment what he was doing at club NerveAna, he probably would have shrugged helplessly and grumbled something about "Mikey's idea." There was no backing out of it, however; his brother had demanded that they spend "family night" at a Vanilla Ice concert. "That's the last time I rock paper scissors Mikey for our family night activity," he grumbled to himself as he shrank deeper into the shadows cast by the flashing lights. "Why do I ALWAYS have to pick 'scissors' first?" Leo hoped some type of fog machine would kick on soon. Then he wouldn't feel so exposed in the dark club. "When's this Vanilla guy going on, anyway?" he asked his brothers in what-for LEO, anyway-was the closest thing he ever got to a whine.

If it had been anyone but Michelangelo so dead set on doing this horrendous activity, Raphael would have told them to get bent. But his baby brother was hard to say no to with that exuberant grin and childishly innocent eyes. Raphael slunk down lower in the chair against the wall, letting his fedora fall further down his beak. He wished the waitress would come by again so he could order a pitcher of beer but he hadn't seen her in twenty minutes.

Mikey was ready to rock! He had his neon orange sunglasses and green glow sticks ready to go at a moment's notice for when the great Ice man took the stage. He couldn't help the other drab parts of his outfit; Leo, being the lame-o Leader that he was, refused to allow him to buy the grooving orange fur-lined jacket. Downing the rest of his rum and coke, courtesy of his cool brother, Mike thought as he glared at Leo, he scooted toward the edge of his seat as the lights dimmed low. Kicking Leo under the seat, Mike grinned widely. "Any minute now, he's gonna bust on stage, bro! You'll love it. See, Raph, is already enjoying himself." Mike nudged Raph with his elbow. At that moment, the pyrotechnics lit the room in a dazzling display of yellow and red.

"Oh my God, it's him! It's him!" April squealed to the woman beside her. She was right there-right up next to the stage, wearing a godawful purple tube top and a leather miniskirt. "WOOOO! YEAH! WOOOO!" Yes, she'd had a hard time leaving the early '90s behind, but now was her chance to cut loose and relive some of the good old times. Her margarita sloshed halfway down her arm, but she hardly noticed as 1) she was already pretty drunk and 2) he was suddenly doing that crazy Ice dance right in front of her, giant buzzed flat top and all! "WOOOOOO!"

Leonardo grunted as Mike kicked his chair. "So is this the part I'm supposed to love?" he quipped as Vanilla Ice and an assemblage of dancers took to the stage and did a very athletic sort of jumping dance, while rapping-as near as he could tell-about grabbing one's "nine" and floating with some honeys. At least, that's what Leo heard. It was hard to tell, what with that nutty woman screaming her lungs off at the front of the room. He cast a disapproving glare at Mike's rum and coke. "You think they have any good herbal tea here?"

"No they don't have any fucking herbal tea, Leo, shit," Raphael snapped, looking supremely embarrassed as though he was afraid Ashton Kutcher was about to jump out and punk him or one of the goons he usually beat up was going to point and laugh. Finally, he saw the waitress and practically stampeded toward her in an effort to wave her down. "'Nother rum and coke and a pitcher a'corona". His head ducked again and calloused feet shuffled over floors sticky with too many substances to name, back toward his table, before he did a double take, recognizing a well known TV news reporter. Rather than announce his presence, however, he headed hurriedly back to his seat, hoping she would be too drunk to notice.

Jumping up on the table, Mikey broke his glow sticks and started pulling off slick dance grinds mixed with ninja moves. Hearing Leo's request, Mike finished a spectacular jump with a knee on the table and leaning his face toward Leo, extending the vowel as long as possible, said, "laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame." Mike stuck out his tongue at Leo before turning his attention back to the grandmaster of rappers himself. Inspired by Ice's moves, he started to break dance on the table, spinning around on his shell, made a tad more difficult by the trench coat, but Mikey wasn't a ninja for nothing. Flipping up on one hand, he balanced himself on the table, the whole stage turning upside down in his vision. It was in this way that Mike's smile changed when he saw the Footsoliders crash through the front doors and from behind the stage. It was being foolish and helpless that he had to watch as a footsoldier unsheathed his katana and stabbed Vanilla Ice right through the heart as he let out one last "ice, ice, baby."

Two things struck April hard at that moment. No-THREE things struck April hard at that moment: first, the appearance of what looked like Michelangelo spinning on a table in the far corner of the club. "Mikey?" she said with surprise, which was followed by a fairly unladylike belch. The second thing that surprised her was the sudden and highly unexpected appearance by the Foot, one of whom bumped her elbow and spilled whatever little was left in her glass all over the wretched tube top. She watched in horror as the ninjas stabbed her rap hero, and cried out as Vanilla gasped out his last "Ice Ice Baby" before falling to his knees. The third thing that struck April was Vanilla himself; she found him in her arms as he toppled off the stage. She tried to staunch the blood, but there was so much. "NO! VANILLA!" she screamed, but it was too late.

Are you freaking kidding me? Casey Jones, Sports Master and lord of busting skulls at a Vanilla Ice concert? No, it just ain't happening. Casey let out a huge sigh, having spent most of his night near the bar where beer was plenty and people didn't ask many questions. Casey finally emerged from the bar with a beer in hand, moving up to the table where the turtles sat and somewhat enjoyed themselves. It was debatable, at least. Casey took a swig of his drink and tried to drown out the music by gritting his teeth. "Mikey...I swear to god...I hate you right now." Casey tried his damnedest to be invisible and not involve himself in ANYTHING that was happening around him.

After Raphael had gently hinted that no, they did not serve herbal tea at this club, Leo had grumpily slunk into the shadows and was trying without much success and with zero finesse to get the fog machine going. He was no Donatello. "Come. On. Fog." He just felt the need to melt away into the background, where he would feel much less like a complete tool. He was barely teetering on the edge of his ethical stance against drinking alcohol when the ninjas burst into the club and did their dirty deed. "Mike! Raph!" Leo barked, expecting them both to snap to attention and follow his commands. He tried to give the Tatsu "attack!" hand signal, unsure if they would get it or not, as he drew his swords and advanced toward the front of the club. But it was too crowded, and the Foot were too quick: they were gone, and there was a dead man in their wake.

Raphael had already imbibed his share that evening. He wasn't drunk, but he was certainly well on his way. Hearing his brother's shout, coupled with the screams of concert goers near the stage, he spun on his heel, only to see the rap icon teeter off the stage awash with his own blood and onto April. "Damn." Feeling he had no choice but to reveal himself now, he lunged forward, shoving panicked patrons out of the way in an attempt to rescue the redhead from beneath the expired singer.

With a crash, Mikey landed on the table in a devastated heap. The word "no" forming on his lips but no sound escaped his mouth. His eyes were wide, his breathing ragged. It was almost as if the whole world was in slow-mo as his idol toppled off the stage into the awaiting arms of some hooker looking woman. She should not have the privilege to hear Vanilla's last dying 'baby,' that should be reserved to his greatest fan, namely him. Everything else was drowned out, including Leo's orders, as he gracelessly flung himself off the table and staggered toward the front stage. As he approached and knelt down beside the soulless, rapless body, Mikey realized it was not some hooker who held Ice, just merely April imitating Julia Roberts from "Pretty Woman." Reaching his arm around April, he hugged her as he put a hand over Ice's eyes and closed them. Sharing his pain with April felt cathartic and he was able to release a deep turtle wail of pain.

"It was you," April murmured to Mike, reaching up to squeeze his arm. "I saw you...dancing back there." She could feel Ice's blood trickling down her cheek, mixing with her tears, cooling and drying there. "Mikey...why? WHY? The Foot..." Being drunk, in shock, and completely confused, April could say no more.

Casey heard screams from the crowd and he cringed a little bit. Groupies were alright, he thought, but these people were worse. They were fangirls. "Guys, I seriously don't know how long I can last here. Someone stab someone or SOMETHING!" His attention was pointed to the stage by Leo's commands and that's where he noticed people crowding around a body on the stage. Also, the music had stopped. A grin formed on the drunk hero's lips and he looked to the lights above and mouthed "thank you." Casey finished the beer and started toward the stage. He didn't have his trusty golf bag with him, so this beer bottle would have to be his only weapon tonight. He wasn't quite sure where he was going and who he was after, but he looked ready for action as he plowed through people running for safety.

Leonardo watched as Raphael, Casey, and Mike managed to race past him. Maybe that Tatsu thing was a winner after all. His attention, however, was diverted to the door where the first of the soldiers had appeared. There had been so many of them; clearly a planned attack, and carefully planned at that. He glanced back at the front of the club, where the drama around the stage was unfolding. There was nothing he could do there. Instead, he ran to the door and looked outside, but there was no sign of the Foot. From not far off, the sound of police sirens wailed and Leo knew that they didn't have much time to get out of there before the cops came.

"We gotta go," Raphael cautioned Mike and April when he reached the duo, flabbergasted at how the drunken break dancing turtle could have beaten him to her side. He'd heard the sirens as soon as Leo had and was relieved to see Casey keeping pace with them. Reaching to haul the blood splattered and margarita covered April to her feet he tried to thrust her at Casey before grabbing for Mike by the upper arms. He planned to tow his little brother forcibly out of the club despite the gore they'd leave in their wake. "Cops are coming, c'mon move!"

"I-I don't know, April." Mikey could barely contain his heavy sobbing momentarily to answer April before turning to look at the fallen man with the voice of an angel in her arms. "He," Mike swallowed before continuing, "he'd never harm anything. He only gifted the world with his music." Their quiet circle of mourning was interrupted by a flash of green and streak of red that forcibly hauled Mike away from the cold corpse now lying in an undignified sprawl on the ground. At first, he tried to struggle against the strong hold on him before he realized it was his brash, older brother who, at this moment, seemed like an impenetrable pillar against Mikey's waning strength. Turning away from the body, Mike flung himself into his brother's arms and cried heavy, wet tears on his shoulder.

April clung to Mikey, then to Raph, and then found herself spinning toward Casey Jones. Things hadn't been so great between them lately; there'd been arguments, and the fact that they'd spent increasing time apart. April hadn't told Case that she'd be at this show tonight-hadn't told ANYONE, because hey, she had a reputation to protect-and now this was feeling fairly awkward. "Casey..." And then she burst out crying. April tended to be a sloppy drunk at the best of times.

"People! Get out of the way!" He shouted, feeling like he was being held back. People were starting to blur around him. Somehow the unmasked vigilante made it through the crowd in one piece, only to have a redheaded woman flung at him like some sort of human Frisbee. He instinctively threw out his arms, catching her before she crashed into something. "April.." He wrapped his arms around her to support her, noticing she was crying. He tilted his head a bit, the beer bottle weapon resting at her backside. "Who died?" This was his drunken way of asking 'Are you okay?'

It didn't take Leo long to catch up to his brothers and Casey, and to witness the whole tearful scene. It was really, really sad. Even though Leonardo had really disliked Vanilla Ice and hated being in Club NerveAna with all his heart. He hadn't MEANT to say the words aloud, but out they came. "Gifted the world with his music? More like tortured us with it." He immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. "Yeah, so...cops are coming. Ninja vanish time. Let's move!"

Raphael was drunker than he'd thought. With one little brother sobbing in his arms brokenly, April looking like she'd been run over by Jessica Rabbit's handbag and the world going to pieces all around them he had been attempting to take charge and get things moving. When Leonardo thoughtlessly commented on the late and arguably great Vanilla Ice, Raphael started to chuckle. Then he started to guffaw. Then tears came unbidden to his eyes and it was a struggle to even keep himself and Michelangelo upright as he sniggered painfully. He'd been awful. There just weren't words to express his relief at The Ice's passing, and the sorrow around him only compounded his macabre glee. He finally managed to control himself, to a point, and staggered with Mike in tow, toward the back door. Leo had never seemed quite so funny before.

Too absorbed in his grief, Mikey didn't hear Leo's comment and mistook Raph's chuckles for his own mourning. Patting his brother on the shoulder as they shuffled out of the club, Mikey pulled away from Raph as he rubbed an arm over his eyes. "At least he was here, if only for a short while. But why," he lifted pleading eyes to his brothers, "why would the Foot do such a," he shook his head to prevent more tears from falling, "such a terrible thing?" He turned to Leo, the one turtle who usually held all the answers.

"You jerk!" April pushed away from him. "You have no respect, Casey! None at all!" She punched him. Then she hugged him before kneeling again by Ice's side. "You were great once," she whispered. Then she glanced around furtively. It was so wrong. So very wrong. But she had to...and finally overcoming her hesitation, April ran a palm over Ice's superb flat top hair. It felt pretty much like she'd expected it to feel. "Okay let's go," she informed Casey as she booked it toward the door.

Casey flinched a bit as the vicious redhead punched him, then hugged him. Casey was street smart, but he was not a brilliant man. He was constantly beaten then shown reward, which left him always confused. It was like a puppy being kicked and then patted and told it was a good dog. "What? I came up here for you. I was just seeing if you were alright!" He raised a brow and watched the interaction between April and Captain Fruit. He hoped to God he did not remember this later during any of his private activities. He nodded to her as she suggested they leave. Finally, he thought. "Wait up!" He called after her while starting to run. His trusty beer weapon hit the floor and shattered into a half dozen pieces.

More in control of himself now that they were out in the cool city night, Leonardo chose his words carefully. "Sometimes, Mike...sometimes bad things happen to good people. And we don't always know why. But if I had to GUESS-" and here he paused, and looked thoughtfully up at the hazy sky-"I'd say that maybe the Foot is trying to get to us. They have a long memory, and it wasn't that long ago that we...we..." He looked to Raphael. He couldn't say the words "Ninja Rap" anymore.

Raphael was dying. The cool night air seemed like delicate fingers tickling at his ribs as he kept a loose grip on Michelangelo. He was still sniggering rather wickedly to himself as visions of one 'too cold' corpse swam in his head. When Leonardo gave him that look and he finished the sentence internally he lost it again, laughing full throaty bellows and losing his grip on Michelangelo completely. Fists shoved into his eyes his gut cramped up comfortably as he entered a point of laughter often termed hysterical. Oh the shame of youth, and thank whatever fucking powers that be, that youtube hadn't been invented back then.

Michelangelo could only stare at Leo's incredibly stupid answer. The foot taking out Vanilla Ice just because they once upon a time got down with his bad self in a moment of pure epic awesomeness. No, that made no sense. Maybe Vanilla Ice was a secret agent and had uncovered one of Shredder's nefarious plots. Mikey's imagination for the untimely death was interrupted by Raph's laughter, which now could not be misconstrued as grief. Watching Raph double over with laughter only intensified everything Mikey was feeling. "Raph! You-you, " with a shove toward the unstable figure of his brother, Mike sprinted off toward the sewers, hoping to find solace in Splinter's old, caring arms.

If April could see herself in the mirror, she would have probably died of shame. Her red hair was tangled with sweat from the warm nightclub, and the blood of the fallen rapper had dried in grotesque patterns on her face and arms. She ran out into the chilly night. "Mikey! Mikey! I touched it!" Then she stopped, confused, as she counted two, not three brothers. Wait-yes, those two blurry turtles in the middle were both Raphael. "What happened? Wait-there's no time for this. We need to get out of here before the police start asking questions. Um...can I come over and borrow your shower? I don't think I'll get a cab, looking like this...

Casey made it out onto the street where it instantly felt quieter and less confining. He took a deep breath of the cool night air and he swayed only slightly toward the turtle bunch. He could hear April's words and it sounded like they were bouncing off the walls of surrounding buildings. The girl had a voice like a megaphone sometimes. "Touched what?" He asked, clearing his throat and then turning his head to spit on the sidewalk. He followed after the turtles, never one to be the man with the plan. He always followed the pack, even though he often drug his heels and made no offer to follow orders. "April's drunk." He announced to the world. "I'ma keep an eye on her, make sure she gets to wherever she's supposed to be going, safely."

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**Author's Note:**

> And that's where it ends. Just imagine the Mikey and April have more dramatic retellings of Ice's greatest triumphs, culminating in them watching his movie, "Cool As Ice."
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it as much as when we were writing it.


End file.
